operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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