it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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