I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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