if you like me you must not know who I am
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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