So drunk its hurt
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
