i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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