yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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