she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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