dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
