Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
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the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
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That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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