they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
