I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
