the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
