He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
