I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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