I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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