Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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