Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
if i died would you start the facebook group?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
