after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
