so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize