She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just invented taco cereal.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's blow job season.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
