Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
