I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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