just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
this is an emotional support booty call
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
