Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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