i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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