His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
