this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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