I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
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but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
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I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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