i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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