operation have a gay friend backfired
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
