Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you would pick up someone in the library
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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