Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
