im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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