he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
