ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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