Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
