i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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