that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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