if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
