I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
