Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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