He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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