Welp...herpes.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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