im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
