I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it's like heaven, but drunker
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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