so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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