weddingsv make me drug and hornr
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
