a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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