Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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