What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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