I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
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I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
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He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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