A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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