remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Still dying that you shit outside
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
