my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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