Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
