you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
