"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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