Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
