i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
