just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize