There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
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It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
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I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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