It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
