So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
