you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
A bitchslap is in order.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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