no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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